The dossier. The legend. The laundry-pile lurker.
What follows is the most comprehensive profile ever assembled on Murdercat. It was not easy. One researcher did not make it home.
| Full Name | Murdercat (also "Sir Fluffington III" — name he has rejected) |
|---|---|
| Species | Felis catus (allegedly) |
| Breed | Classified / Unknowable / Don't Ask |
| Age | Timeless. Possibly ancient. |
| Weight | 12 lbs but feels like 40 on your chest at 2am |
| Eye Colour | Neon green. They glow. We don't know why. |
| Known Aliases | The Shadow Pouncer, Tiny Murder, Lord Claws |
| Current Status | Active. Very Active. |
| Threat Level | ☠ EXTREME ☠ |
Nobody knows exactly where Murdercat came from. One morning he was simply there — sitting in the window, eyes burning with the cold green fire of something that had seen too much and forgiven nothing.
Some say he was once a normal kitten, before the Incident. Others believe he arrived fully formed from a dimension where all furniture is a scratching post and all sleep is optional for everyone except the cat.
What is certain: he chose his household. He did not ask. He did not negotiate. He sat down, looked the human occupant dead in the eye, and the human somehow just… accepted it.
Becomes most active precisely at 3am. Science cannot explain this. Neither can the courts.
Compulsively enters any container, regardless of size or whether a human specifically said "don't get in that box."
Considers laptop keyboards a personal napping territory. Has sent several emails on behalf of their owner. None were appropriate.
Watches the garden window with the focused intensity of a Navy SEAL on a mission. The birds sense this.
Brings "gifts" at irregular intervals. Whether these constitute trophies or warnings remains a matter of ongoing debate.
Occasionally decides you are acceptable and sits on you. This is an honour. You must not move. For any reason.
"A dog thinks: they feed me, love me, shelter me — they must be God.
A cat thinks: they feed me, love me, shelter me — I must be God."
Murdercat has read this quote. He agrees completely. He made some additions.
Read Murdercat's illustrated adventures in our fully drawn multi-panel comic strip.
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