About Murdercat

The dossier. The legend. The laundry-pile lurker.

Wanted poster featuring Murdercat

The Official Dossier

What follows is the most comprehensive profile ever assembled on Murdercat. It was not easy. One researcher did not make it home.

Full NameMurdercat (also "Sir Fluffington III" — name he has rejected)
SpeciesFelis catus (allegedly)
BreedClassified / Unknowable / Don't Ask
AgeTimeless. Possibly ancient.
Weight12 lbs but feels like 40 on your chest at 2am
Eye ColourNeon green. They glow. We don't know why.
Known AliasesThe Shadow Pouncer, Tiny Murder, Lord Claws
Current StatusActive. Very Active.
Threat Level☠ EXTREME ☠

Origin Story

Nobody knows exactly where Murdercat came from. One morning he was simply there — sitting in the window, eyes burning with the cold green fire of something that had seen too much and forgiven nothing.


Some say he was once a normal kitten, before the Incident. Others believe he arrived fully formed from a dimension where all furniture is a scratching post and all sleep is optional for everyone except the cat.


What is certain: he chose his household. He did not ask. He did not negotiate. He sat down, looked the human occupant dead in the eye, and the human somehow just… accepted it.

  • The Beginning
    Appeared on the porch one Tuesday. No explanation given or expected.
  • Week 1
    Claimed the premium spot on the sofa. The human moved to the floor without realising why.
  • Month 3
    First documented counter-surfing incident. Three glasses of water casualties.
  • The Scratching
    The curtains were a crime scene. Murdercat expressed no remorse, only mild interest in the investigation.
  • Vet Visit Incident
    Details remain classified at the vet's request. The vet now does house calls only, and only with gloves.
  • Present Day
    Rules the household with an iron paw. Accepts tribute in the form of tuna and chin scratches (at his discretion).

Known Traits & Behaviours

🌙 Nocturnal Terror

Becomes most active precisely at 3am. Science cannot explain this. Neither can the courts.

📦 Box Occupancy

Compulsively enters any container, regardless of size or whether a human specifically said "don't get in that box."

💻 Keyboard Jurisdiction

Considers laptop keyboards a personal napping territory. Has sent several emails on behalf of their owner. None were appropriate.

🐦 Bird TV Addiction

Watches the garden window with the focused intensity of a Navy SEAL on a mission. The birds sense this.

🧢 Trophy Collecting

Brings "gifts" at irregular intervals. Whether these constitute trophies or warnings remains a matter of ongoing debate.

😤 Selective Affection

Occasionally decides you are acceptable and sits on you. This is an honour. You must not move. For any reason.

"A dog thinks: they feed me, love me, shelter me — they must be God.
A cat thinks: they feed me, love me, shelter me — I must be God."

Murdercat has read this quote. He agrees completely. He made some additions.

See Him in Action

Read Murdercat's illustrated adventures in our fully drawn multi-panel comic strip.

Read the Comic →   Browse Gallery